I have started to notice a morbid reality in this city, the art of expressing harsh messages in the most dissonant fashion.

Lets think about being in a restaurant. We might expect to see branding, paintings, maybe a blackboard menu on the wall. Instead as I sit down to eat I am confronted with a few of the following wall signs at my table or on the surrounding walls

• “Drinking alcohol during pregnancy can cause birth defects” – interesting that the cancerous effects of a bad diet are not mentioned along with this;
• “Resuscitation kit available” – this comforted me, and I chewed more thoroughly to aid digestion and avoid unnecessary choking;
• “No cell phones” – though I didn’t see a cell phone check-in counter, also I was unclear if my Blackberry counted as a cell phone – I didn’t want to ask, I was hungry;
• “Save water – report those who waste it” – ok now I really am becoming paranoid, “1984” has materialised; and besides if I am not allowed by cell phone in, how am I to report?;
• “No solicitors” – does having a masters in law preclude me from eating here?;
• Oh and one of the better ones, while not at a restaurant, rather at the Social Security office, “You are not allowed to shoot or kill any Federal Government worker” … what can be said to that, ok! I would have taken a photo of that one but you were not allowed camera either.

Categories: Food, New York